Questions to Ask When Accepting Your First Child Referral
Receiving that first phone call from our Referrals Officer can feel exciting, emotional and a little overwhelming all at once. After months of assessment and training, fostering suddenly becomes real.
It’s tempting to say yes to a child’s referral straight away, especially knowing a child needs somewhere safe. But asking questions before accepting to be put forward a child’s foster placement isn’t about judging a child or looking for reasons to say no — it’s about understanding their needs, checking the match is right for you and your family, and knowing what support or practical arrangements may be needed before they arrive.
Some child referrals, especially emergency ones, come with limited information. Your supervising social worker and our Referrals officer should still help you gather as much information as possible to enable you to make an informed decision.
Why Matching Matters
A foster child needs more than a spare bedroom. A child’s age, personality, history, health and support needs all have to line up with your family, experience and approval terms.
Government guidance says carers should receive key information about a child’s health, education and emotional needs through their placement plan. In reality, that picture is often incomplete — records may be missing, or professionals may still be piecing things together. So, it helps to be clear on what’s known, and what isn’t, before you decide.
What to Ask About the Child
Start with the essentials: why they need care now, their placement history, and any known experiences of trauma or loss. Ask what tends to upset or overwhelm them, what helps them feel calm, and what’s important about their identity, culture or beliefs.
It’s just as important to ask about strengths — their interests, and what makes them laugh.
Health and Behaviour
Get enough medical detail to keep a child safe: existing conditions, allergies, medication, and any upcoming appointments.
It’s also worth asking about behaviour, not as a checklist of problems but to understand what the behaviour might be communicating. How do they respond to change or boundaries? Is there a history of running away, or any known risk to themselves or others? What’s worked well for them before?
School, Family and Daily Routines
A few practical areas are worth covering together:
- School — which one they attend, whether they’ll stay there, and how they’ll get to and from it.
- Siblings and family — where siblings live, what family time is planned, and who arranges it.
- Daily routines — food preferences, bedtime habits, and any comfort items that would ease the first evening.
You don’t need everything perfect before they arrive — a calm and warm welcome matters more than a room full of new things.
Reflect on Your Own Household
The conversation isn’t only about gathering information — it’s also a chance to check honestly whether this is right for your family. Consider your household’s capacity, how it might affect other children or pets at home, and whether you can manage the practical demands involved.
Feeling nervous about welcoming a child into your home for the first time is normal; a genuine mismatch is different, and worth raising openly with your supervising social worker.
It’s Okay to Pause
Asking questions isn’t a rejection of the child — it’s part of making a safe, thoughtful match. If you feel something falls outside of your skills or capacity it may be right to decline. Your supervising social worker will be beside you exploring this and any questions or concerns that you may have.
Once you do say yes, focus on the immediate essentials — arrival time, transport, medication and emergency contacts — and take it from there. Our guides on preparing your home and the first 48 hours of a placement cover what comes next.
FAQs
Can foster carers say no to a placement?
Absolutely. That decision is yours. If you can’t safely meet a child’s needs, or something doesn’t suit your household, it’s reasonable to decline — Our referrals officer gets to know each family so that she has a good understanding of what a good match may look like.
How long do you have to decide?
It depends. Some referrals usually allow time for meetings and introductions; emergency referrals may need a faster answer. Ask how urgent the decision is and use whatever time is genuinely available.
What if new information comes to light after the child arrives?
Tell your supervising social worker. The placement plan may need updating, and extra support or training might need to be arranged.
At Foundation Fostering, new carers are supported throughout matching — you won’t be expected to navigate these decisions alone.